Praise God Yoli's Surgery Went Well

From her husband Matt:

Hello-

This is Matt writing from the dark hospital room where my bride currently sleeps. Yes, she had the surgery!!! All I can say is, God IS faithful! We arrived this morning at 1030a to check in. Yoli was a bit emotional as was I, but we prayed a lot, and I read to her Isaiah 54 which is the chapter in the Bible that has given her strength through this trial. Just before 1230p, we met with the surgeon, and then a few nurses, and before we knew it she was given a relaxed medication through her I V. They asked her to lay down, and said "here we go, are you ready?" It all happened so fast. Yoli got into the bed, and was rolling down the hall before we knew it. I walked her to the point where I could go no further, and was assured by the doctors that she would be taken care of. I gave her a kiss, told her that I loved her, and off she went through the double doors which led to her long awaited surgery.

I have to say, no one wants to see their spouse wheeled into surgery. But as the doors closed behind her, I prayed and knew that she was in God's hands, and not the hands of Kaiser. I have to say, I took about 10 minutes to cry and pray before I went to the waiting room where some close friends and family gathered. I communicated a lot through text, letting everyone know that she needs prayer, and paced around a bit. We were advised that the surgery would take 2.5 hours, and that the doctor would come and find me when he was finished. Well 230p came and went. 3pm came and went, and around 330p I went to check and see what was happening. I was advised that they were still in surgery. I walked away, and down a hall I've never been before. The surgeon was supposed to come out a door the opposite direction, but I felt led to walk down this hall, and began to pray. I stopped half way down and opened my Bible and again, began to read Isaiah. When I was finished I continued walking down the hall, away from the waiting room, and asking the Lord, please finish this surgery quickly so I can see her. Guess who I nearly ran into? Her surgeon! Walking out a door, opposite of the door he was supposed to walk out of, and in front of me he stood. He advised me that Yoli was still in the OR (If you watch Greys Anatomy you'd know that means operating room) and that she was stable through the entire surgery. They said it went well, and they took a sample of her tissue around the "infected" area and it was CANCER FREE!!! Praise God! They also took out her left limp nodes and will have results of those in about a week. But we already know and believe that those too will be cancer free. He said that she's be going to recovery and I should be able to see her in a few hours. As soon as he walked away, I lost it. I began to cry with relief that all had been done. The surgery we had waited for, prayed for, and prepared for was over and even more important than anything else, she was okay and we had great news. After this I lost it a few more times. and so did everyone else around me. You'd think we heard bad news, but in fact it was the opposite. Relief. Prayers answered. It was a feeling I think we had all waited for, for the past 9 months.

Well, a few hours went by and nothing. Again I began to wonder what was happening? So I followed my nose. I began to walk in another area. An area that the doctor would normally come to, and here he is again. Standing in front of me. He asked if I had seen my wife yet? No I responded. And he asked me to follow him. After a few turns, there she was. Sleeping as peaceful as could be. Color was good in her face and she looked content. Yoli didn't wake up right away, but did a little while later and there I was along side her mom and dad. At that point we waited for her open room. We had prayed that she would get a private room, but they couldn't assure us anything. However we knew that either way, it would be in God's plan and we'd be content. Low and behold, a private room was available.

After getting settled her family and I were in the room. She was hungry so she ate some killer hospital food. Hmmm....maybe killer and hospital shouldn't be in the same sentence huh? Anyways, I was being sarcastic. It was okay, but more than anything she liked the ice chips, jello, pudding, and a peach her sister had brought.

A few moments ago the nurse drained her tubes of the blood and water, and said she'd doing well. In a few hours they're going to wake her up and have her sit up on her own. 4 hours later they will have her walk to the restroom, and ensure she can do that every 4 hours. If all is good, she may be able to leave tomorrow night. But we're not ready to push anything.

So, today was a long but successful day for Yoli, and more importantly for our Lord and Savior. I have to say, it's not luck. It's not chance. And it's not good thoughts that brought her to this place today. It's by the continued grace and mercy of our father in heaven. And by the healing power for our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that she is where she is tonight. We serve a mighty God. Bigger than any circumstance. Greater than any medicine. He is a Great God!

If you'd like to visit Yoli tomorrow you are more than welcome. Again, I don't know how long she will be here. But if they do release her it will be later in the evening I think. So please, feel free to stop by at anytime. Yoli would love to see you.

Thanks for your prayers everyone. Praying works! I will update this tomorrow on her progress of healing.

Many Blessings,

Matt

Prayer Request For Yoli

Please lift up our dear friend Yoli, her surgeon Dr. Ahn, all the surgical team and nurses and Yoli's family today in prayer. Yoli is having her double mastectomy today at Bellflower Kaiser in Bellflower, California. After a month of recovery, she will begin radiation. She went through chemotherapy this past spring and summer. Thank you.

I'm Officialy Jobless.

Well, last Friday was my last day with Archstone. The project I was hired for in August of 2005 is slowly coming to completion. So much so that last year I went to part time from home which enabled me to go back to school and graduate this past May from college. But the work load has gotten so low it wasn't able to keep me employed but only less than part time. And I was hoping to have a new full time position by now. So I am officially jobless. I have been searching, but I'm holding out for what I hope is the job the Lord wants me to have. I would love to find a position in my field of study, but where ever the Lord wants me, I'll go. In the meantime, I'll continue to be a stay at home wife. I've always wanted to be a stay at home wife, but it doesn't help us get ahead and save if I don't work full time. So I ask you to keep me and my job search in your prayers. I've been here before and the Lord sent me to the best place for me at the time because He knew what I was about to go through and what I would need. I have complete confidence and trust He will do it again.

Prayer Request

Please pray for our friends Amanda and Buddy's four month old son Xavier. He received vaccinations on Monday and became lethargic. He is now in intensive care on a respirator. Please keep him in your prayers.

http://buddyandamanda.blogspot.com/

Satan's Working Overtime

You know, Roger's leaving Walter Reed Army Medical Center this week, coming home for good and you think there's nothing that could bring us down or mess up this week, but Satan is good at trying to make your good times not so good. I know how he works. I know it's him trying to bring us down, discourage us and pull us away from God. Thank the Lord we are able to recognize him and his lies and go straight to God for help and encouragement. And God always meets me where and when I need Him. I was thinking I need to read some scripture so I can change my focus back to Him and thought about what scripture I should read. I glanced over at my Bible Gateway Verse of the Day widget and as usual, the Lord put the scripture I needed there. Once again, He has led me where I need to go in His word.

Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands. Deuteronomy 7:9

After praying for the Lord to speak to me and lift me through His word, I studied the chapters surrounding this scripture. Peace and hope only the Lord can give has been found again. Thank you God. Please pray for Roger & I both. We are in the home stretch. Please pray for all of Roger's paperwork to be signed, approved and processed in a timely fashion and for us to make it through this last week with love, patience and peace. Thank you so much for praying for us. I'm sure you know how much we need it.

The Holy Land

Okay, my class, Introduction to Biblical Archaeology is starting to get interesting. Now that I’ve starting doing the assigned readings this weekend, my interest has been perked. The readings start with understanding what Bible Archaeology is by understanding the geography of the area which also affects the political (and religious) aspects of the region. And we’re also getting into the history of the region. I’ve never understood completely the conflict with Israel, Palestine, Jordan, etc. I mean, I understand they are fighting over who should own Jerusalem because it is a holy city to three faiths, Judaism, Christianity and Islam. But I’ve never been able to keep it all straight. So I think this part of the class is going to set it all straight for me and help me to finally understand it all. I wasn’t a huge fan of going to the Holy Land before, but since becoming a Christian and learning more about the Bible and where it took place, I’ve become more interested in it. But I can feel this class is really going to enhance my interest in it and I am becoming more and more intrigued with going to see the places I read about in the Bible. I do think it would be really neat to stand on the land looking at the exact places some of the stories of the Old and New Testament took place. I wonder if there are any walls of Jericho still standing. I can’t wait to get further in the readings. I’m glad we have four weeks of introduction. I’m going to need at least four weeks to keep it all straight.

As for what’s going on with Roger’s case, I’m hoping he will blog sometime this week with the latest updates. He has spoken with his assigned attorney and will meet with him twice before the hearing on Feb 13th. But I’ll let him go into detail. Please keep him and his case in your prayers. Thanks!

DC or Bust

We're on our way to DC. Please pray for our safety. Thanks, Roger & Holly.

Weekend Update

I intended to post earlier this weekend, but I had such a productive weekend I got distracted. I ended up getting sick and didn't bake those red velvet cupcakes nor help out at the benefit event Thursday night. The volunteer coordinator told me to stay home and get rest since they had plenty of help coming. Did I do that? Well, I stayed home, but I didn't rest. I started working on my to do list but I didn't work super hard so it's okay.

My parents were in Taylor, northeast of Austin, for another funeral Thursday for a farmer and blacksmith friend of theirs, Charlie Stolte. He and my father were a lot alike and related very well to each other although Mr. Stolte was a couple decades older than my dad. They had similar backgrounds and appreciated each other well. My mom and I always said Mr. Stolte was what my dad was going to look like when he gets old. After the funeral and lunch with friends, my parents drove to my house in South Austin and helped me with a bunch of stuff. I bought an air compressor a week or so ago. We will be able to use it to make putting flooring in the attic an easier task by borrowing my dad's pneumatic nail gun. And we'll be able to air up balls, bicycle and automobile tires and blow leaves from under my front door on the front porch. And if you've ever driven to convenience store after convenience store trying to find air for your low tires to have them not work and lose more air, you know how much we will love having this air compressor. I've been wanting one for about five years now. You know I am going to find any excuse to use it.

So my dad helped me set it up, make sure it was ready to go and showed me how to use it and maintain it. I cleaned out a section of the attic which we will tackle first. The previous owners of our house left us lots of great stuff when we bought the house and I didn't realize how much they left in the attic. Of course everything they left was pretty much trash that we have had to dispose of ourselves. Thanks Stewart family! Anyway, my mom consolidated leftover garage sale stuff into fewer boxes while my dad and I messed with the compressor. She helped me load the boxes into my truck to which I took to Goodwill and helped me clean the garage from the trash I threw out of the attic. They also took a bunch of spare wood we had which helped to empty the garage out more. We're not only trying to organize the garage better but make room for another vehicle. We got two in there before I totaled my car in 2003 so I know we can get two in there again. Friday and Saturday were more projects I've been trying to get done for a while and I got almost all of my list completed. All I have left to do is clean the house tomorrow after I work in the morning and complete a personal Christmas gift for Roger which I'm working on now. I'd tell you what it is, but then Roger would find out. He's already been bugging me about his "real" Christmas present. Once Roger gets home, we will start on a new list. I'm sure he's looking forward to it. You never know, he might be happy and feel more normal to be doing things around the house.

Oh, I almost forgot. I got my anthropology final exam grade Thursday afternoon. I made a 91, A! So according to the professor's grading policy that means I made an 88.75 in the class BUT I went to a museum for two extra credit points. Which means I made a 90.75 in the class. That's a A! I'm so happy about that. Now I have to wait until Tuesday after 8:00 p.m. to find out what I made in my history class. When I think about it, I get nervous. So I try not to think about it. But I have to make a C or better in that class. I really don't want to have to take it again. I've had enough of research papers for a while. I don't want to have to do that again until I go to grad school. So I'm begging, please pray for me to make a C or better in that class.

So the museum I went to with my dad was the Brazos Valley Museum of Natural History. I was really impressed. I was quite surprised with the collections they had and he and I really enjoyed it. Our other choice was the Houston Museum of Natural Science, but I couldn't afford to lose a whole day, three hour drive there and three hour drive back, at the time. I'd love to have gone there, but I needed the time to work on my paper. I can still go but I'd like to go soon since they have Lucy, the "missing link" according to evolutionists. I don't really care too much about seeing Lucy, but I've learned from past experience not to miss out on any opportunity that comes across my lap. I wish I wouldn't have listened to everyone else when they said, "Don't waste your money going into the Great Pyramid. It's not worth it." when we were in Egypt with the Army. I could seriously kick myself for not going into the pyramid. Even if there wasn't anything in there, I could still say I've been in it instead of just saying I've been there. Lucy's only going to be in Houston for a short while and only in a few museums in America so I'd like to see her if I can help it.

As you read in Roger's post from Friday, he got his PEB that morning but was unable to get any questions asked and therefore no answers. I still can't believe two offices whose sole jobs are to be there for the soldiers in these moments were completely out of the office on Friday. I worked for state government for six years before I moved to DC and we were never allowed to all go out at the same time. There always had to be a "skeleton crew" as they call it. I guess federal government is a little different. I mean, I basically knew that from my prior Army experience and with the history of what Roger's experienced so far at WRAMC, I'm not really surprised. Disappointed, but not surprised. Roger will probably have a very hectic day tomorrow trying to get answers in order to make the best decision. He's planning to bypass formation at 0730 and go straight to getting those answers before he starts packing to fly home on Tuesday. Please pray for him. I can imagine it becoming frustrating with the Army and WRAMC's history. So please pray for the Lord to be with Roger tomorrow and help him deal with the answers he receives and for him to get great advice.

Thanks all. Sorry this is so long. That's what happens when I wait to post. I'd say I'll try to be better, but you know as well as I this isn't the first time and it surely won't be the last. One more day and a wake up and Roger will be home. I can't wait. I'm very excited. I know he is too.

My Crazy Life

This is going to be a rapid fire, all over the place and long (sorry Steph) post. I'm feeling it today. I'm feeling overwhelmed and freaking out a little bit inside. I got back to Austin last night. Thought I'd be fine and be able to get back to the grind with no problems. I had so much to do last night that I went to sleep really late. But couldn't actually fall asleep. I guess my body got used to sleeping next to my husband. I just could not fall asleep until right before my alarm went off. Then I hit off instead of snooze so I overslept. I don't know how or why I woke up when I did on my own, but I'm glad I woke up at all. I usually get up around 6am and head out by 7am or 7:30am. I woke up at 8:30am! I was gone by 8:50am and arrived at school about 10:45am even after stopping at my favorite kolache bakery in Caldwell. And I didn't even speed too bad, only 4-5 mph over the speed limit where I could. I was starving since I didn't have time for breakfast and really needed some comfort food this morning. I know worldly things won't solve the problem, but it sure felt better as I was eating my favorite kolaches, poppy seed. Yes, that was plural. I had two! It's okay since I've lost 10 pounds this semester, probably from stress.

As I was approaching the parking lot I'm assigned to I could see both buses I can ride driving off. I only had to wait about five minutes for both the #1 Bonfire and #5 Bush School buses to arrive. I jumped on the #5 and arrived on campus with 15 minutes to walk to the building. I got to class on time but didn't have enough time to use the restroom. Thank goodness I didn't have to go too bad, like normal. Sorry. We covered problems people were having with their research paper and got our book reviews back before the professor left so we could do an evaluation. I am not happy with my grade, 79, C+. This is the first C I've made in this class. Of six assignments, I've made 3 A's, 2 B's and now this C. And I thought I did so well on it too. I was actually pretty pissed off about it.

After we finished our evaluations, five of us stayed in the classroom and discussed our disappointment with our grades on the book reviews which led to discussion about our final paper and overall grade in the class. Everyone else is graduating this December so they are freaking out more than me. One girl sat with me and helped me figure out my grade in the class so far. I have an 87.9, B+, which is not bad. I actually had no idea what my grade was because I had not calculated it. So I'm feeling a little better about that since it means if I make an 80 on my final paper, I'll make an 88.1 in the class. If I make a 70 on my final paper, I'll make an 84.8 in the class. AND if I make a 60 on my final paper, I'll make an 81.5 in the class. IF we calculated it all correctly. So I'd have to do really, really bad on my final paper to make below a B in this class. I know I have to make at least a C in the class since it's a class for my major, but I think I only need a C in it to keep my GPA above the minimum for my major.

I'm usually not a person who figures out the minimum I need to make on a test or paper to pass a class, but I do not want to take this class again or pay for it again. My other problem is I'm an overachiever and I care about my grade in this class and what my professor thinks about me. Although I have an "I don't care" attitude, deep, deep, deep down inside, I really do care. I wish I could be like that sometimes, but I can't. I wasn't raised that way. Darn hard-working, respectable parents of mine are to blame for that. SO I made an appointment for tomorrow morning and Sunday afternoon at the University Writing Center for help improving my paper. I'm going to spend tonight fixing all the little problems so I can use all of my 45 minute appointment with a writing expert on the bigger issues.

Once I turn in my final paper for my history class on Tuesday, December 4th by 5:00pm, I will finish reading two weeks worth of assignments for my anthropology class for the final on Wednesday, December 12th. While I was in DC our grades were posted for the third test in that class. I made an 83, B. I'm cool with that. I have an 88 so far in this class and I'm not worried at all about it or my final grade. Plus if I go to the local natural history museum, I can get two bonus points added to my final grade. So you know I'll be going to help my overall grade any way I can.

Now that I got all that off my chest, I feel better. Wow, this blog is good for something. Thanks for reading my ramblings. And thanks for all your prayers. I'll try to post this weekend if I get time about my wonderful time in DC with Roger. It really was a blessing to be with him especially when he received his MEB. I was so happy to be able to be there to see one step of the process and meet so many people that have helped Roger to get to this point and make it through this whole process. It was great to get to celebrate with him. I'll tell you more about it all when I get a chance. Until then...pray for me to make it through this next two weeks and keep praying for Roger to be able to come home to me soon. I love you all and appreciate your love and prayers so much. I hope you all know how much I do. :)

Got The Call

Roger just got the call that his PEBLO wants to see him. We don't know if it's to tell him what the doctors decided or to tell him more paperwork is missing or needed. So please pray for us. We see him at 12:30pm. Please pray that we react in a Godly way no matter what news we receive. Thank you!

Only One Class Left!!

I'm so excited! I met with the Anthropology advisor in between classes today and they are going to allow an anthropology class I took at junior college to substitute for a 200 level anthropology class at A&M which means I only have to take one class next semester to graduate in May. Yeah!! I have to take one 300-400 level anthropology class. As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I've decided to take Intro to Biblical Archaeology. I can't wait! Now all I have to do is make it through this semester. There are two and a half weeks left in school. I have an anthropology test next Tuesday, a 3 page scholarly book review due next Wednesday, the final draft of my 20 page research paper due Dec 4th and the final in my anthropology class on Dec 12. I only need C's in both of these classes although I am striving for A's. Please pray for God to give me wisdom, knowledge and understanding from the Holy Spirit.

Please also pray for Roger. He found out all his paperwork was submitted to the Board and there is a possibility he could have a decision from them maybe by the end of the week. If he agrees with their findings and is happy with the percentage of disability they offer, he won't have to go through the formal process and would start working on coming home. Which would be a lot sooner than we have been expecting with other events that happened recently. So please keep that in your prayers. I sure would love for him to be home as soon as possible. It's not fun at Walter Reed at all for him either.

Patience, joy and protection from the father of lies would help too. Thanks you guys. Love ya!

Busy, Busy Weekend

I'm blogging right now because I'm avoiding reading my anthropology homework. And I'm really behind! Okay, I'm really not that far behind, but I don't like to be behind at all. I'm trying to finish reading Tuesday's reading. Chapter 6: Deep Time and Evolution is killing me. That's why I'm doing this. I'm so avoiding it. I'm only half way through and there's 18 pages left. Then I have to start Thursday's reading. I'm sure Chapter 7: Hominid Evolution in the Pliocene and Pleistocene Epochs is going to be great! The class lectures and the secondary sources he assigns are really interesting, but the textbook for this class is awful! I mean, it's science, so it's not like the textbook is going to be like reading a novel or something. And thank goodness the professor doesn't know this blog exists because he wrote the textbook. But it's awful! Thank goodness next week's reading is completely from secondary sources and will go fast while Roger's here. I've got to get through this reading though. I have so much to do this weekend. I have a plan for every waking moment of the weekend in order to get ahead on my history research paper so I don't have as much to do while Roger's here. Tonight I'm going to organize and complete my source research. Tomorrow will be start and complete my primary source summary and presentation. Monday will be anthropology reading, maybe, and start the introduction and outline for my research paper. I'm going to need a lot of caffeine this weekend.

I'm not sure what Roger's up to this weekend. He's staying with John & Tamra. He had to get away from Walter Reed. He had a really trying day on Thursday. Thank goodness he's coming home Tuesday because he really needs to get away from there. It's hard enough to live there every day, but it seems like once a week something happens to make the place even more unbearable. And Thursday was a doozy with several things happening on the same day. I can hear the frustration in his voice. And it sucks for me because I can't do anything to help except listen and allow him to vent and pray for him. So please pray for him. I know he's more than ready to leave that place for good. He just called me. They are on there way to the church's softball team "practice" then over to another guys house to play Xbox. He needs to decompress. Don't worry, Roger doesn't play softball, although if he hadn't fractured his finger he could. He just takes pictures. And he really enjoys that. He's been bitten by the photography bug.

Okay, okay, I'm going to get back to reading. Please pray for me!

One Exam Down, Three To Go

Wow, my anthropology test yesterday wasn't as hard as I imagined. There was a lot of material to cover plus no one knew what he wanted from each reading. The test review/study session was really helpful. After the test was done, I felt like I probably made a B. We received an email today from the teaching assistant that our grades were up online. So of course I had to see what I made. He did explain that they dropped the two most missed questions and applied a curve. There are two possible curves for each exam: (1) Subtract the highest grade from 100 and add the difference, or (2) subtract the raw average from 75 and add the difference. The highest raw score was 94 (+6). The raw average was 66 (+9). So they added 9 points to everyone's raw score. My score posted online was an 89 which means I really made an 80. But I'll take the 89. One point from an A. So my intial feelings after the test were correct. And now that I know how he tests and what and how to study I should do better on the next test. Yeah! I'm so excited about my test grade!

I turned in my research proposal for my history class at midnight last night. It wasn't due until 5pm today but I decided to turn it in and get it over with. I'm telling you, I love technology. It's so cool I don't have to wait until next class on Tuesday to see my grade and I can turn in my assignments online from any where. I love that professors are using technology to their full potential!

Now more reading for both classes plus extra reading and research for my history paper. Thanks for the prayers! Have a great weekend!

Calling All Prayer Warriors

Yikes! I have my first college exam in over four years tomorrow. Anthropology at that! And my research proposal for my history class is due Friday. I'm almost done with that. I need more prayer for the test tomorrow. Please pray for me, especially to study and retain the right material for the test!! I'm off to a test review/study session. Thanks!

Prayer Works!

Thank you for praying for Roger's lost wallet to be found and for protection. Not only was it found, but it was found by a police officer. Usually lost and found are given to a specific department and it takes weeks to return the object to the owner. The police officer who found it gave it to a detective because he saw Roger's military ID. That detective used every piece of information in Roger's wallet to contact him. He found Roger's medical alert card and looked it up online. Roger's information on that website says to contact his wife and gives my cell phone. So my first call early this morning was from an Alexandria, VA police detective. Roger has already contacted him this morning and his wallet is being mailed to our friend's house since it is hard for Roger to get to the police station during the week and during business hours. Praises and blessings to you who prayed and praises to the Lord for answering our prayers. On that note, I am asking you to prayer for my father and my family. My father's health is not good at all. I haven't expressed that in my previous blogs because my dad was not telling my mom everything and therefore I wasn't aware of everything. My dad was moved into ICU last Friday because all indications were showing his health was getting scary. If he improves from all this, it's going to be very slow if at all. He even mentioned something to my sister about his legs being amputated. My sister and I have decided arrangements need to be made and decisions about how my dad wants things done if he passes need to be made. We don't like thinking about that, but it's got to be done. So please, please pray for my dad's health and my family's peace and rest. I'm on my way to Bryan now and I have a list of questions for the doctor's and my mom & dad. Please pray for me to be able to stay calm and not lose my emotions addressing these issues. And pray for all of us, my siblings, to be able to be there for my mom and each other during this time. Thank you.

My Dad Update: Wednesday, April 25, 2007

My dad was released from the hospital on Monday. They put him on medicine to thin his blood and dissolve the clot but over the weekend in the hospital they thinned it too much and took him off it. Monday they said the blood clot went from his mid thigh to his mid calf. That's a long blood clot. And they still sent him home with no meds. I do not understand that. They told him he had to be very still at the hospital because the medicine was dangerous (Coumadin) to prevent the clot from moving to his brain and causing a stroke but they sent him home on Monday. Doesn't make sense to me. So he goes back Thursday for more blood work. And they are saying that it will take months for the swelling to go down which means he won't be able to work which I don't think he should anyway. But he's so worried about not working and their bills. I can understand his worry but he's going to kill himself from the stress or if he tries to go back to work. And it's hard for me to tell him not too worry and it will all be taken care of. Please keep praying for them. Thank you and happy hump day. Two more days and it's the weekend!