Jan 11, 2008

Boogie Back To Texas

Well, I boogied my way back to Texas today. Even after taking off late because of an approaching storm and turbulence all along the way, it flew by thankfully because it was a non-stop and I was preoccupied with a great book (Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge). Roger drove me to BWI for the flight and dropped me off at the curb. I wanted him to come in with me, but I knew if he came in I would cry. I was already feeling it well up inside me as we were driving up the beltway and I didn't want to cry. Plus I didn't use waterproof mascara this morning and knew if I cried I'd feel and look miserable the whole way. And I hate the feeling that I look like something's wrong. I don't want to look like an emotional wreck. I miss Roger a lot already. He was home for two weeks and I got so used to him being here. I guess that's why I avoided going to bed for so long tonight. Even when I started to head to bed, as I passed our bed walking into the bathroom to get ready, my first thought was, "My first night in bed without my husband again." I hope this next two months goes by really fast and he doesn't have to stay longer, again. We had a great additional week together. Although it's tough staying at Walter Reed and I was happy to come home, being there with him through all the things he has to do everyday made me wish I didn't have anything to do and I could stay with him. But we both know me being here is best. I'm finishing school and taking care of our house. I'm glad I was able to drive back with him and spend some additional time together. I'll take any I can get. You know how people take their spouses for granted? Yes, everyone does. I feel like there's no way I could take Roger for granted after all this. But I know, as human as I am, I'm sure I will as time goes by. I hope over the years I'm reminded not to. Maybe we should hang his radiation mask on the wall instead of sitting on a closet shelf. Hopefully how we have both changed through this and what we've learned about our love and God's love for us will remain in our hearts, always.
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