5 Months Already?!

Yes, we are five months pregnant. I can't believe it either. Not only is it going by super fast but it's still so surreal to me. Which is really weird. How can I be five months pregnant, with a very expanded belly and our 20 week anatomy scan last Thursday and I still can't believe I'm pregnant? Crazy. I guess I'll eventually feel pregnant. I wonder if this happens to other women or am I just weird? Don't answer that.

Before I go much further about the anatomy scan I want to give an update on Roger's most recent scans since he hasn't managed to post yet about the results. We went to MD Anderson on January 19th and 20th for his regular three month MRIs and lab tests. His neuro-oncologist Dr. Conrad said the site looks so amazingly clean which means no new tumor growth and he suggested putting off radiation. We had thought of doing the radiation soon so it would be done before the baby is born since the radiologist said there was a 100% chance of the tumor coming back without radiation. But Dr. Conrad said they usually like to wait 8-10 years between radiating the brain again to prolong the chance of necrosis and with new technology and research they are more comfortable with doing it sooner now, but he thought we should wait. Then Roger asked Dr. Conrad about the Delta 24 Clinical Trial to which he told Roger it has been approved by the FDA for a second phase and Roger would be eligible for it if his tumor came back during the second phase. Roger is more excited about that than the thought of doing radiation again. Not only would it prevent him from the side effects of radiation but it could also help others with his type of brain tumor. So far no one with his type of tumor, ependymoma, has done the trial. Of course, his type is very rare in adults so that explains it. They have tested the virus on his type of tumor in petri dishes in the lab with amazing results. Roger would be one of the first ependymoma patients on the trial. So we discussed it and decided to put off radiation and keep watching the MRIs every three months as usual.

On to the anatomy scan! So it was amazing. Even though I was laying there watching the baby move and swallow, I still couldn't believe that was inside me. The ultrasound technician told us she checks for 64 fetal items to ensure normal growth and check for any signs of abnormalities. This was the most important thing for me, healthy growing baby. Of course we wanted to know the gender of the baby (more on that later) but that was the least important thing for me. She was able to confirm 63 points but Baby Mommaerts' feet and hands were in front of the face so she couldn't check for cleft palate. Already doing yoga! Which meant I would have to have another ultrasound at my next monthly check-up to hopefully rule that out. It was so cool as she went through each item with us and told us more about it. We got to hear the heart beat again and it was 143 beats per minute. It was also discovered I have marginal placenta previa. My placenta has decided to place itself within 2 cm of my cervix. I'm telling you every time I have an ultrasound they find some exception. The first time is was an extremely horizontal uterus then it was an extremely large corpus luteum. Guess I'm just exceptional. The ultrasound technician and the midwife said it was nothing to worry about as it's very common and as the uterus expands during the remaining months of the pregnancy the placenta usually expands with it. Of course they'll check it again at the ultrasound next month to see. They did say if it is still within 2 cm of the cervix it would mean a c-section for me. As many of you know, I would like to have as natural a birth as possible but when they told me this I was like, "No problem. If that's what I have to do then that's fine with me." I'm not putting myself or my baby at risk. And I'm not worried about it either. I'm sure it will be fine.

We got some great photos from the ultrasound and amazingly a DVD of the ultrasound. Of course we couldn't watch the video or see all of the ultrasound photos because the ultrasound tech sealed them in an envelope for us. You can watch it here. She also wrote the gender of the baby on a piece of paper and sealed it in an envelope for the baker. We had a gender reveal party Saturday night with our family and a few friends. We don't live close to a lot of our family and we don't get to see most of them often so we decided to include them in finding out the gender with us so they could participate in our pregnancy also. It was a hoot. No one had any idea what the gender of the baby was (including us) except the ultrasound tech, the midwife and the cupcake lady. Once everyone arrived at the party and we took team pink and team blue pictures, everyone got a cupcake and we all took a bite at the same time. It was awesome and so much fun. We'll post more pictures from the party when we get them from our photographer. Here's a sneak peak of what's in store.

It's a girl!!

Four Ultrasounds In One Week

Well, this has been one roller coaster of a week. We ended up having four ultrasounds this week. Two planned and two unplanned. Let's start with the planned ultrasounds. You should know by now we don't hold back with details so get ready.

Monday was our first visit with the OB/midwife practice we are going to until I can get the birthing center contracted with Tricare and transfer. As you can see from the ultrasound image on the left we are having a little alien. All kidding aside, it looks the way it's supposed to at this point. The size of the baby indicated 8 weeks and 3 days old so my due date is still June 21, 2012. We didn't get to hear the heart beat but we could see it and it was strong at 150-160 beats per minute. We were excited to see the baby and learn the heart beat was great and everything looked good. They were also able to see an extra large corpus luteum cyst. Why do I always have to be above average? They asked me if I knew I had a tilted uterus to which I told them I had been told that many times. They also said that was not a big deal and wouldn't affect labor. We really had a great time during the ultrasound. The tech was so nice and funny. We were laughing so much. We'll definitely try to go back on her days for our next ultrasound. I will admit there was a tiny part of me going into the appointment that thought they were going to tell me during the ultrasound they couldn't see anything. I need to pray daily during this pregnancy against these attacks of lies. The labs all came back great except my urine tested positive for Group B Strep. So I get to take some antibiotics for that now and get tested again between 35-37 weeks. My next appointment was set for six weeks away.

Our next ultrasound was on Wednesday at the fertility doctor's office. Even though God allowed us to conceive naturally in the end, he does blood work at the first positive home pregnancy test and an ultrasound before he releases you to your OB/midwife. And even though we told his office we had already called our OB and set up our first appointment with them, their policy is to do the ultrasound to make sure everything is okay with the pregnancy and say good bye. It was a great visit with Dr. Kavoussi as he and his sons are the nicest guys in the world and it was great to share the excitement of our pregnancy. We all marveled at how shocked we all were to have conceived naturally. He was so excited for us. It was really nice. And another awesome thing about the visit was we got to hear the heart beat! It was so cool. We totally didn't expect to get to hear it so we were kind of startled by it when it started. Roger was shocked silent. I got teary eyed. It was great. As you can see from the ultrasound image above it shows the heart beat and Dr. K said it was 160 so very strong. He was pleased with how everything looked and we were on our way.

Now for the unplanned ultrasounds. Warning: it's going to get gross people. Wednesday night we went to the NAMI Walk Austin awards ceremony at Zilker Park Clubhouse as our team captain invited Roger and I since he was the highest fundraiser on our team. It was a great evening with delicious food meeting nice people and an amazing view of downtown Austin at night. On our way home we were going to stop at Walgreens to pick up my Group B Strep antibiotics. As I was driving I felt wetness in my under pants and it got worse as we drove. I joked with Roger I hoped the not being able to hold your urine hadn't already started but I wanted him to come in with me to the bathroom anyway. When we pulled into the parking spot I opened my door to get out and there was blood running down my leg, a good pool of blood in my seat and all over the back of my dress. Fresh, bright red blood which is not good. So I wrapped my jacket around my waist, waddled into the Walgreens bathroom and sat down on the accessible stall toilet. As I pulled my panty hose down a large amount of blood came rushing out then a big flat blood clot fell out into the toilet. Sorry, I warned you it was going to get gross. I said loudly to Roger, "I hope that's not the baby" and told him to call 911. The ambulance came very fast. While Roger was outside of the bathroom directing the paramedics in I prayed for God to take care of me and the baby and to give us peace. When the paramedics came in they asked me all the questions, took my pulse and blood pressure. They were shocked my pulse and blood pressure were so good considering. They were very nice and calm and told me the truth of what it could be but for some reason I didn't react in anyway. After they got me on the gurney, the other paramedic looked in the toilet to calculate the amount of blood and check out the blood clot. They told me in the ambulance it looked like it was just blood clot and nothing else and it didn't look like it was a miscarriage but the ultrasound in the ER would confirm everything. The paramedics were mainly concerned that there was no more bleeding for my safety. Roger drove my car home to grab me some clean clothes. I arrived at the ER at 9:30pm and it was a long, long night of waiting and wondering. Although Roger kept saying he didn't think it was a miscarriage over and over again. He examined the blood clot very well I found out later so he was more than confident it was just blood. They did labs first and a couple hours later did an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech told me the heart beat of the baby was strong so that's how I found out it wasn't a miscarriage. So Roger was right. About 2:00 am the ER OB did a pelvic exam and he told me there was still some blood from the cervix but it was closed so he wasn't concerned about a miscarriage and told me the ultrasound tech had also seen a fibroid. I was shocked by that because I had two other ultrasounds this week and they didn't say anything about a fibroid. He told me he was going to go ahead and release me because the radiologist was not calling him back regarding the ultrasound results and he didn't want us to have to wait 2-3 hours longer. I was more than ready to leave at that time. I was starting to lose it truthfully. There were periods of 1-2 hours when no one checked on us. We asked for water at one point and never heard back from them. My IV was killing my arm and I was so uncomfortable I couldn't sleep. We even turned off the lights and tried to sleep for a while but it was hard. It was just a completely unpleasant experience all around. I told Roger when I was sitting in the pelvic exam room that when I realized it was after 2:00 am I started to get really mad and if they didn't come back in 15 minutes to do this exam I was going to walk back to my room and walk out. I came very close to pulling a Harvey Sr. My dad who notoriously hates hospitals, makes nurses and doctors scared to death and has actually walked out of the hospital before.

So I was put on bed rest Thursday and told to follow up with my OB. I had called my OB about 10:00 pm at the ER before they had done anything to let them know what was going on. I spoke with a midwife who was on call with a laboring mother. She told me what they would do at the ER and to call her back directly on her cell phone no matter what time it was to tell her the results. She was so nice and calming. So I called her back about midnight with the ultrasound results as I thought we would be leaving soon since the ER OB told me he probably wasn't going to need to do a pelvic exam. She told me to make a follow-up appointment the next day with one of the OB's in the office and to follow the ER's discharge orders for the rest of the day. When I woke up on Thursday I called to make the appointment and was scheduled to come in Friday at 11:30am. All day long on Thursday Roger kept saying, "IF you have a fibroid" as his response to all our discussions about the fibroid. He said he really didn't think I had a fibroid. I was like, "Whatever Dr. Mommaerts." So this morning I went in and during the ultrasound they could not find anything other than a baby with a healthy heartbeat and that same extra large corpus luteum. They couldn't see a fibroid or any other indicator of why there was so much blood and the blood clot. They could see large blood vessels in the uterus which they said was normal during pregnancy. They thought maybe one of those or a cervical blood vessel could have ruptured but since there was no more bleeding they wouldn't be able to tell for sure. They said my cervix looked good but was very long. Again, always the over achiever. They did see my uterus was more than tilted and almost horizontal. But other than those things there was no indication that anything had even happened and there definitely was not a fibroid. Again, Roger was right. They also let me know they never received the radiologist's report from the hospital. I was not surprised. I won't be going back to that hospital again unless I am unconscious and right next to it.

Our community group from church which are very close friends of ours and our neighborhood group of friends all started praying for us and rallying around us Wednesday night while we were in the hospital. It was so nice to only have to contact a few of them and they got the word out and got everyone praying for us. We definitely felt covered in prayer, had a lot of peace and knew God was going to take care of everything. Obviously Roger knew God was protecting me and the baby very well. And I will start praying the rest of this pregnancy is boring and uneventful! ~ Holly

Conception Update

No, not pregnant yet. We have been asked a lot lately what is going on in this department and we know it's because we haven't blogged about it (or anything else for that matter) in a long time. So here's a quick update.

Recap: Roger ended the clinical trial on January 25, 2011. The chemotherapy drug that causes birth defects will be out of his system on July 25th. After that we are allowed to conceive naturally. In the mean time, last year before he started the clinical trial, his oncologist recommended freezing "some of his boys" as Roger refers to them in the event the chemotherapy affects his fertility, which we did. And we decided to continue trying with assistance. We have used one vial so far so we have eight vials left.

After I had the laparosocpy in early February, I had to wait 30 days to have a cycle then one full cycle before we started the process again of trying to conceive via intrauterine insemination (IUI). That time passed and my second cycle proved to be too short and light to do anything so we skipped that month. The next cycle Dr. K had me take Clomid for cycle days 5-9 then have an ultrasound on day 13. I had a few eggs in each ovary but the largest was only 12mm on the right side. He wanted them to be 17-18mm so we scheduled another ultrasound for day 16. The largest egg follicle had grown to 15mm and we decided to not waste a vial this time as all the conditions were not good. Dr. K said my eggs needed more stimulation and he wanted me to try a hybrid protocol the next cycle which meant fertility pills and shots. So I called on day one which was Friday, June 24th. They scheduled an ultrasound for Saturday morning to make sure there were no cysts from the last treatment. There weren't any cysts so they called in two prescriptions for me. I start Femara today for days 3-7 then give myself a Follistim shot once a day on days 7-9 and on day 10 (July 3rd) I have an ultrasound again plus some blood tests to see if my egg(s) are ready. If they are I will be given a shot of Ovidrel to release the eggs and within 24-36 hours we'll do the IUI. If they aren't ready I will need more days of FSH injections to help them grow.

I do struggle at times with not wanting to do any of this, but obviously I am having issues so it has to be done. I keep praying for God to shut this down if it is not His will for us to become parents this way. So I'll keep going on the journey and asking for Him to give me strength, patience and endurance until I hear from Him otherwise. Roger and I are very much looking forward to July 25th. :) We have decided he should have another analysis to see if the chemo did any permanent fertility damage before we call the cryobank to not renew our frozen contract with them. And I will try to get Roger to post a blog this week about all his amazing improvements in physical therapy.

~Holly

Day Fourteen Times Two

Okay peeps, today is day fourteen. I know, again. So I am on my way, with my Ovidrel shot in hand, to Dr. Kavoussi's office this afternoon to have another internal ultrasound to see if my eggs are mature enough to be released and do another IUI tomorrow. I'd be lying if I didn't say I hope they are mature and we can do the IUI tomorrow and this time produces a pregnancy. I know I just started trying and I know I said I wasn't going to worry about it anymore and just go with God's flow. But I'd really like to be done with this. I know, patience and trust Holly. Obviously I need prayer and you know how to pray for me now. Thanks!

~Holly

Day Fourteen

Okay peeps, I'm going to get down and dirty with this. Had a long day and want to get to bed asap. Today was day fourteen. I took the Femara last week and had no side effects. Yeah! This past week I started to feel a little bit of lower back pain. Last night lower abdominal pain on the right side started. I had the ultrasound this afternoon. After an hour wait, I finally went back. Dr. K reviewed my HSG procedure films real quick with me and told me he wanted to try 3-4 IUI's and if I didn't get pregnant then we should do a laparoscopy of the right fallopian tube since it wasn't as open as the left to see if there was any scarring. I thought, maybe.

I really wish they would have told me it was going to be an internal ultrasound. Not that it hurt, but that's not what I had envisioned. Anywho, Dr. K started but didn't like the position of my uterus. He said it was tilted. I have been told this once before by an Army nurse practitioner but I didn't give her much credit because she gave awful annual exams. Then he proceeded to move it. Didn't know that could be done. Must have worked because he continued with the ultrasound then I saw my eggs. Of course I had no idea that's what they were. So I started asking questions. If you know me well, you know I ask a lot of questions. Dr. K was cool about it. I think he enjoyed it.

So it basically looked like a sonogram (see picture to the left for an idea. no this is not mine. roger wasn't with me and if he was, he would have posted a pic on facebook!) with one big round black spot that was split in three. I asked him if that was an egg and he said, "Actually that's three." I almost freaked out. I thought to myself, "WTH?! Three!" Then he proceeded to explain to me how he measured them to figure out how mature they were. He said only two of them were mature. That was just the right side. He announced he was going to the left side. He said there were two eggs in the left ovary. Again, I thought, "OMG!" But they were really small and not anywhere near mature. Whew!

He asked me if I brought my shot with me to which I answered yes. He told me his nurse would give me the shot and I was to come back Friday at 3:00 pm with my frozen sample for the IUI. I asked him how many frozen samples I should bring with me. He said one but then asked me how many we had total. I replied nine. Then he told me we should do 2 IUI's and if I didn't get pregnant we should do the laproscopy because he didn't want to use up too many samples. It didn't dawn on me until I talked to Roger on my way home that Dr. K doesn't want to use up a lot of samples because he plans to try IVF if the IUI's don't work. But we forgot to tell him we don't want to do IVF at all. And after having the HSG procedure, I sure as heck am not looking forward to my fallopian tube being scraped out. No thank you. So Roger and I will tell him tomorrow at our appointment. If the IUI's don't work we decided we would pray about it but we don't want to do the laparoscopy or IVF.

So the nurse gave me the shot and I am so glad she did it and not Roger. He was way too eager to stick me anyway. It was not pleasant. Then I had to call the cryobank to make arrangements to pick up a sample tomorrow. As I drove away from Dr. K's office I prayed a little bit because I started to feel a little nervous maybe scared. "What the heck am I doing?" crossed my mind once. I thought to myself, "Holly, fear does not come from the Lord." and just prayed for God to give me peace and if this was His will for us to take the fear away and give me peace. Can you tell I needed peace? I must have said it forty times in my prayer. I did have to start over a few times because traffic was distracting me. I know if I would have talked to a girlfriend I probably would have started crying. And I almost called one but decided crying on the phone driving on I-35 was probably not a smart idea.

So there you have it. Rough recap. I pick up the frozen sample tomorrow at noon. Then meet Roger at Dr. K's office for the IUI at 3:00 pm. So please pray for us, for me, for the IUI, for peace and I'm going to try to not be selfish and say only one egg to be released and ask for you to pray for God's will to be done on that. But no praying specifically for multiples! Although there are two people we know who seem to think since there are some twins on Roger's mom's side of the family we have a higher chance for multiples, that's not how it works people. Roger's only contribution was sperm. The eggs are my doing. There are no twins on my mom's side of the family but since I took an ovulation stimulant that would be the only reason we would have a higher chance of multiples. Okay, enough. Thank you and good night. ~ Holly

Day One

So yesterday was Day One for me (Holly). Which means my cycle started (finally) and I had to call Dr. K's office to let them know. They called me back in the afternoon with all the instructions then had to call me back later to answer all my questions. Here's a recap:

Day - What to Do (Date)
1 - Start Cycle (Dec 3)
5-9 - Start Femara (2 pills a day every evening) (Dec 7-11)
12 - Be home between 8a-3p to sign for Ovidrel (Dec 14)
14 - Ultrasound (bring Ovidrel in case) (Dec 16)

The questions I had for them were what is Femara and Ovidrel and how would we know when the actual IUI will be performed as I need to schedule with the cryobank for pick-up plus I was going to help a friend on Dec 17th as she recovered from surgery the previous day.

Since my cycle is anywhere from 26 to 30 days now, the doctor suggested using a drug like Clomid to help ovulation become more precise since we have to do IUI to conceive and you really need to know when you are ovulating to be able to time the IUI. Well, Femara is basically the same as Clomid except better. From everything we read online, it doesn't have as many side effects as Clomid and it doesn't stay in the system as long as Clomid so it doesn't hinder conception. The next drug they mentioned was Ovidrel. The nurse had to call me back on that one but thank goodness again for the internet because by the time she called me back I had all my questions answered. In order to be able to time ovulation accurately to be able to know when to do the IUI procedure, they use Femara but the egg has to be released precisely also. That's where Ovidrel comes in. It's a shot that helps release the mature egg from the ovary.

So here's how it goes down. At the ultrasound, Dr. K will check to see if the egg is mature and ready to be released. If it is mature and ready that day, he will give me the shot there at the office. The IUI could be performed as early as the next day. If the egg is not mature and ready at the ultrasound, Dr. K will tell me when to inject the shot myself at home and then the IUI will be performed. Yes, this means I will have to give myself a shot or Roger has volunteered to give it to me. The online pharmacy that is mailing the Ovidrel shot to us has videos to learn how to inject the shot. We watched it and it seems easy. Then we got nosey and watched a few other videos for other fertility medications and almost scared ourselves.

I didn't know I had signed up for all of this, but it's what we have to do to get pregnant while Roger is on the clinical trial. Fun, fun! ~ Holly