One of my goals in life is to never stop learning and growing in the Lord. I do not ever want to become one of those I know it all believers. They are not only dry and not pleasant to be around, but they have stunted their relationship with God. I hope I never do that. Please my brothers and sisters, kick me in the butt if you see me doing this.
So in order to keep learning and growing, God puts me through situations so He can teach me about Himself and shape my mind and character to be more like Him. So anytime you talk to me, I am most likely going through something to which I am learning about God and His ways in the process. That's a too simple way to explain how it works.
But I'm struggling in one area of my heart right now. Not that I haven't struggled with it before, but I think God believes I may be ready to address it now. I've been working on focusing on His Word and Him so I don't have any distractions from hearing His voice and so I can tell His voice from the other voice that tries to tell me things (and lies to me). And what I have been hearing from Him (God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit) in the last few months is it's time to work on that part of my heart. I am scared because it's a part of my heart that I don't want to address.
If you know me well, you know how I feel about needing and wanting. There's a huge difference between needing and wanting. I don't want to address this but I need to. It's so much easier to just ignore it, but I know I can not live with this much longer. Not only will it prevent me from growing in my relationships with people but it will prevent me from growing closer to God. And that's something I for sure do not want to do.
So there you have it. I don't want to go into any more detail than that. I'm shaking as it is just typing this, on the verge of tears. It's something I am really struggling with and I really want to let go of it but it's hard and I don't know how to let go of it. So please pray for my heart, for the Holy Spirit to teach me how, for Jesus' love to fill me up so I can love like Him and for God to continue to speak to me so I don't push this off any longer. Thanks.