Jul 19, 2011

Negative

Well, there is it. Might as well get straight to it. I knew last week it was going to be negative. I started to have premenstrual syndrome symptoms on Thursday and Friday and it just kept getting more clear over the weekend. And last night was the clincher. Full on menstrual cycle. Dr. K ordered me to take a pregnancy test regardless so I took one this morning knowing it would be negative and it was. Of course I am disappointed. Each day the PMS symptoms occured Roger and I would talk about it and I would have a little cry. I think that's the only reason I am not down in the dumps today. I would be sad because not only did the symptoms mean I wasn't pregnant but it also meant I would have to keep trying. Of course it would be super easy to be pregnant and done with all the drugs, blood tests, ultrasounds and IUI. But it can't always be easy. Life isn't easy. But I do know God is still right by my side going through this with me. He told me so just this morning. After I tested and was reflecting on my feelings I started talking to God about it all. That would also be called praying. I felt comfort in knowing he's there for me always. I even thought about what scripture I should read about God giving me strength and encouragement to get through the tough stuff. So I headed to the office to grab my phone and text my sister with the news. Of course I sat down at the computer to see what email I had to start my day and on my monitor the first thing I saw was my Bible verse of the day. I am always intrigued to see what it is as God has used that Bible verse of the day widget so many times to give me the scripture I need. And today was Isaiah 41:10.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

How appropriate. Just what I needed to read. It's still going to be a great day. Dr. K's office just called me back. Since the chemo drugs will be out of Roger's system next Monday, he has ordered Roger to have another semen analysis for Tuesday and for me to call back on my next day one. I think it will be good to have some time to know what to do next. We would have had to make a decision today about the next steps for drugs, blood tests, ultrasounds, IUI and/or try naturally, etc but we wanted Dr. K's expert opinion on it first. And I would like some time to pray about it. I thought we were going to have to decide today. I am glad we don't have to now. ~Holly
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