I am so thankful for Christian community. After some conversations with and wise counsel from my friends Gina and Anthony and sister-in-law Cathy this weekend, plus a great message on Romans 12:1-8 at church today by our pastor Brandon, I have come to a great revelation. I do not have to know exactly how to do God's will.
I don't have to worry about the details. His will shall prevail whether I am on board or not, mess it up along the way, do it a little out of order or worry my little pea-picking heart out the whole time (though worrying is not God's will). I have been having this tug of war with whether to do more IUI's, have the laparoscopy or not, not try at all and go straight to adoption because I have been worried about doing God's will correctly.
And I know this. I have been following the Holy Spirit's leading, being used by God letting him open and close doors directing my path to all kinds of adventures and having a great time since I found him over ten years ago. God has given us a passion to love the children he gives us. I'm sure he knows what he's doing and how to do it. Here I am worried about messing it up. Like I can mess up God's will. Geez Holly. This is much bigger than me.
As it says in two of my favorite places, Paul in scripture and Bob Marley's song, I don't have to worry about any thing because every little thing is going to be alright.