Feb 23, 2006

Doubts

After meeting with my three doctor friends, and hearing back from the Neurologist after she checked with her attending, Holly and I are in agreement with their diagnosis and course of treatment. We know I’ll need surgery soon to remove it. We understand that it will not be known if it is cancerous or not until after the surgery. The only thing I am not comfortable about is the doctor’s skill level. I know he is a talented doctor, but I’m not convinced they do enough craniotomies at Bethesda to make me feel comfortable about it. It seems to me that the possible risk of complications could be lessened by someone with a steadier hand or more experience. Have I come to a point where I just need to let my faith take over? That I should simply trust that the doctor that has cut his trip short next week just to do this procedure will be able to do the surgery just fine? Or should I not settle for good if there may be something better? I feel like I’ve just walked into a car showroom and am ready to drive away in the first car I see. This is my brain we’re talking about here. This is my future, my life. I’m so confused and I don’t know where to start. I am definitely going to call the Tricare office tomorrow to see what my options are if I choose to check out other hospitals. Does this mean the surgery won’t take place next week as planned? Maybe. Does this mean I’m going to postpone it until I feel more comfortable with the doctor? Possibly. I’m sorry my parents already booked their flights, but luckily they booked with good ole easy to work with Southwest. And Cassie, don’t buy your plane ticket just yet. I just want to make sure that I am getting the best absolute treatment possible. Lord, please be with me…
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